It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year for parents, according to Urban Legend.

But not for every parent.

I used to sob, brave game-face crumpling into tears, the second the school door closed on my kids. I hated to see the school year, with its stresses and over-scheduling, swallow the closeness and camaraderie I worked so hard over the summer to encourage in my kids.

I get where you celebrating parents are coming from. Yes, of course it’s easier to get some work done without making the millions of arrangements necessary for childcare, and still worrying about what the kids are up to anyway.

But now it is my turn to pay tribute to the moms who sob in the same halls I used to.

Good job. Your love and empathy for your kids will sustain all of you while you navigate the turbulent waters ahead! The consolation for the parents experiencing the loss of their carefree kids is — the kids are just where they need to be. Reality re-surrounds them. It took me a long time to realize: my job as a parent was not to prevent any bad things from happening to my children; that’s impossible. My job is to hold their hands and guide them through when bad things do happen. All we can do is teach coping skills.

So let the rhythm of the lazy, crazy, days of summer continue to murmur in your ears as you steel yourself for the increased pace. We know we can never repeat this past summer. The exact ages and stages of the children and ourselves (!), the fun in the sun, all the activity and love that we lived shall never be repeated. The world will have a whole different tilt to it next summer.

No, like-hearted moms, we can’t ever repeat this summer. But we can cherish each and every moment we had. Join me in perfecting the art of not crying because it is over but rejoicing because it happened. The good news is every season has its joys. So find the sweatshirts and get ready for s’mores toasted in fireplaces.

We have our memories to wrap ourselves in on cold winter nights to warm our hearts and our spirits.

© Jane F. Collen August 31, 2023

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